“Amour Propre”: Defining the limits of being selfishness

350 days ago via dimiswebs    Discuss    Psychology
‘Amour propre’ is an individual’s sense of self-esteem and self-respect. This particular notion is fundamental to understand how a human being structures his character and his personality, in other words, its way of being. Indeed, the so-called ‘Ego’, in philosophy, means the way an individual (a subject), thinking about himself, in Psychoanalysis ‘Ego’, is the critical aspect which mediates among the conscious and the unconscious part of the responsibility to value reality. ‘Ego’ constitutes personal identity, In other words, it makes us unique and different. On the other hand, egoism is an attitude, a concrete form of social acting in which self is the center of everything. The borderline between self-esteem and egoism sometimes is quite hard to figure out.  But how it would be possible, to understand and distinguish the difference between a selfish man and a man who appreciates and respects himself. Consequently, which are the limits on account of being selfish in your interpersonal life? Finally, how I would comprehend the needs of each everyday experience, what I should do and what I should not? There is always a solution.  There is an obvious answer, the key is to come to terms with the way you see yourself.  Undoubtedly, this is a difficult and challenging journey of self–knowledge. We born with the capability to love ourselves, to respect and estimate the value of our personal identity, but we are social beings, thus we have to interact with other human beings, for this reason, we have to put aside our urge to overcome the others needs and rights. Nevertheless, this has a double meaning. I live respecting the others but they have to respect me in advance. I claim my rights but I let the others do so because when I am at peace with myself I am at peace with the others and vice versa. I do not permit people to misunderstand my rights but I listen and I comprehend theirs. Hence, by defining my limits, I manage to delimit my social interactions. In psychology, there is a golden key to achieve the balance between being a selfish person and being a person with self-esteem. That balance would be achieved by the ability of an individual to be assertive, not aggressive nor passive. To be assertive means to claim straightforwardly and fearlessly your primary rights, this kind of behavior is completely opposite to an aggressive and passive manner. To cultivate an attitude of assertiveness is all about practice, sometimes it would be difficult to succeed but the mistakes may be made have their meaningful value: even mistakes are very useful in order to forge an equilibrium in social interactions. For instance, in an argument with your life partner, you maybe feel very disappointed and frustrated just because neither from both sides let their egos behind. But still, there is a solution, try not to keep your anger to overwhelm you, take a deep breath and evaluate your point, write them down in a paper, sometimes is useful, write down your feelings to, and where you feel calm and confident, try to explain with steady and clear voice to your partner how you felt, and why you disagreed, try to make it all clear there is no need to end up with an agreement always. The most crucial point is to demonstrate to the others that you know very well what exactly you need, that you estimate yourself and you have the skill to mark your limits. Then you will be able to enjoy the fruits of your self – esteem and to deal with all the difficulties one may encounter in his everyday life.

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